By: JJ Lanier

TheSouthernSportsEdition.com news services

To steal a quote from The Office, “It’s like we’re touring Willy Wonka’s chocolate factory and dropping off, one by one… Well, guess what? I’m not falling in a chocolate river.” The comment is made by Ed Helms’ character, Andy Bernard, in reference to the number of Bernard’s coworkers that have quit since the Stamford branch merged with Scranton.

However, when I came across that episode the other night, it automatically made me think of the LSU Tigers.

In recent weeks, leading up to the start of the college football season, LSU players having been diving head first into the chocolate river. The Tigers have lost two players to transfer and another three to indefinite suspensions.

Granted four of those players weren’t expected to make much of an impact this season- Ed Ingram being the one possible exception- but this is not the kind of publicity any team wants before the season starts.

So, what about the players LSU will actually put on the field this year? It’s kind of a wash, rinse, repeat situation. Their defense will be one of the league’s best; they have a new offensive coordinator that promises to open up the playbook and throw the ball downfield more; and they have a quarterback who they guarantee will be able to handle the passing game, even though there’s nothing in his past that should make you believe it. Sound at all familiar?

Like most SEC schools, the expectations are always high in Baton Rouge, but even those seem to be tempered somewhat this year.

While I’d be hesitant to put too much stock into their success this season based on the product they’re likely to put in the field, it’s their schedule that’s really daunting.

Things will change as the season begins and games are played but don’t be surprised if LSU winds up playing seven games against teams that will wind up spending time in the Top 25.

Besides the normal gauntlet of SEC West teams (Alabama, Auburn, Mississippi State) they’ll face, their two opponents from the SEC East will be Georgia and Florida.

That’s like entering a three-point shooting contest against two other people, only to find out those two people happen to be Steph Curry and JJ Redick.

It’s not like they took it easy with their out of conference scheduling, either. They could’ve gone the route of other programs and had home games against teams like the College of Underwater Basket Weaving, and the University of Perpetual Sorrow.

Instead, they begin their season on a neutral site against the Miami Hurricanes, a team with legitimate playoff aspirations.

It may not bode well when it comes to their overall record, but you won’t be able to knock the level of competition the Tigers will be facing.

Speaking of their record, 1999 was the last time the LSU Tigers failed to win at least eight games. Not that it’s impossible, but I have a hard time seeing them reach that eight win plateau this year.

Every football season at LSU begins with the goal of winning the national championship; the proverbial “goose that lays gold eggs for Easter”, so to speak. It’s not necessarily a bad thing, as I believe every program should start the season with that goal in mind, even if it’s a bit unrealistic.

All I’m saying is don’t be surprised if three weeks into the season the Tigers remind you more of Veruca Salt’s ultimate fate than Charlie Bucket’s.