Bret Bielema

Which Band Does Your SEC Coach Compare To?

jjBy: JJ Lanier

TheSouthernSportsEdition.com news services

It’s been a disaster of a year for the SEC. Instead of piling on and writing about how most of the teams have underachieved, or how Joe Alleva screwed up the Orgeron hire, I want to do something a little more light hearted.

Hopefully bring some overdue joy to what has been an otherwise unwelcoming football season for SEC fans.

ESPN recently released a list of all the college coaches along with their favorite bands. Sure, it’s not hard hitting journalism by any stretch, but if you’ve read anything I’ve written over the past two years (and my affinity for anything pop culture) you had to know I was going to be piggybacking off that article.

So, here’s how it’s going to go. Obviously, I’m just going to focus on the SEC coaches, and instead of talking about what band they chose, I’ll assign a group/artist that I think they are most like. In order not to stray too far, I’ll attempt to stay within the same genre.

In alphabetical order, according to school:

Nick Saban. ESPN: Eagles. JJ: Led Zeppelin. Zeppelin is not only considered one of the greatest bands of all time, but their music was in your face and unapologetic, especially whenever they played live. Sound familiar?

Bret Bielema. ESPN: The Temptations. JJ: The Dramatics. Neither are bad, but both are easily forgotten compared to their peers.

Gus Malzahn. ESPN: The Cars. JJ: Maroon 5. I didn’t think either would still be relevant going into 2017.

Jim McElwain. ESPN: Earth, Wind, and Fire. JJ: Earth, Wind, and Fire. McElwain could master all three and Florida fans still wouldn’t care unless he mastered an SEC Championship too.

Kirby Smart. ESPN: The Rolling Stones. JJ: Slash’s Snakepit. Slash left one of the biggest bands in the world and formed the Snakepit. I don’t need to explain the similarities, right?

Mark Stoops. ESPN: Toby Keith. JJ: Sam Hunt. I don’t listen to Sam Hunt and I don’t watch Kentucky football.

Ed Orgeron. ESPN: Creedence Clearwater Revival. JJ: CCR. There’s nothing wrong with Creedence, but much like Orgeron, I have to believe that people in the bayou think much more highly of them than anywhere else in the country.

Dan Mullen. ESPN: U2. JJ: Dan Wilson. If you listened to music at all in the 90’s you had to have heard Semisonic’s “Closing Time”. Wilson was the lead singer of Semisonic. He’s had some minor hits as a solo artist, and has written songs for other groups (Dixie Chicks), but nothing has been as big as that late 90’s song. 2014 is Dan Mullen’s “Closing Time.”

Barry Odom. ESPN: Blake Shelton. JJ: Jason Aldean. Basically, they look like they could be brothers.

Hugh Freeze. ESPN: Chris Tomlin. JJ: Chris Tomlin. Considering the NCAA sanctions Ole Miss may face, Freeze needs to get as close with God as possible.

Will Muschamp. ESPN: George Strait. JJ: Taylor Swift. I’m juvenile and I think it’s funny.